“On your mark…”

I cannot say starting this blog is easy. I cannot say that this will be fun for me, but something inside of me feels I need to write it all down. Something tells me I need to look back at my food log from more than a year ago when I began the raw food diet. By doing this perhaps I will discover what happened along the way that led me to where I am now. Maybe I can see why I was in denial about my relationship with food. And maybe I could be one of the first runners at the collegiate level to be as open as I am about to be.
That might be the scary part.
I did not start the diet out of merely striving for health. I wanted weight loss. After a year of restricting (although mild compared to others–I was by no means a severe anorexic) I wanted to continue to lower my weight. After losing over 20 pounds in a matter of months during my senior year of high school, I was at first satisfied with a low weight at a height of 5’9″ (BMI of 18.5). But once I correlated the low weight to success in my first year of college racing distance track and cross country, I wanted more. I was determined to drop more weight each year to run faster and faster. My BMI went down to 17.8.
Food was not my consumption–weight loss consumed me.
I was about to fall further than I had ever been, and it is interesting to find that raw food saved me from continuing the restriction, which I feel would have only grown worse. An injury that took hold of me within a matter of months of starting the raw food diet made me look deeper into what I was doing to my body.
So I am here, writing this blog, to share all. I am not comfortable with the truth, but I have been working to be as honest as I can–and I feel like ready or not, now is the time to share. Now is the time to be open.
And with a gunshot, the runners bolt.
“Confront the dark parts of yourself. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” –August Wilson

About Rachael

Rachael Steil is a graduate from Aquinas College in Grand Rapids, Michigan with a Bachelor of Arts. Steil an author, speaker, and a recipient of the Spirit and Outstanding Runner award for the Aquinas College cross country team and has received 6th place All-American accolades in cross country as well as 7th place in the NAIA track nationals.
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5 Responses to “On your mark…”

  1. Tamara Steil says:

    Fantastic start, Rachael. I love your imagery and this makes me look forward to the next entry!

  2. Sharon says:

    Cheetah Baby! This is a great first post. Blogging is a great way to process and share with people you love, or people that love you (and would like to share in your experiences). Can’t wait to read more!

  3. Hey Rachael, Thanks for your comment on my blog. I agree that we have a lot in common. I can already tell from your first entry, along with the fact that I ran Division 1 xc/track with an eating disorder.
    I hope your blog helps you like mine helped me. I’ll be reading and supporting you.
    xxx Haley

  4. Marge Emery says:

    You have been extremely transparent…. Know this will help you to sort your motives and feelings…. A great step ahead!! My love, Marge


    “I am not comfortable with the truth, but I have been working to be as honest as I can–and I feel like ready or not, now is the time to share.”

    Over the past few months I have started to read your blog and it was difficult for me to start commenting. I was apprehensive on what to say and worried that my responses would be forced and faked, but the truth is I was afraid to just be honest. I felt for a while that I needed to censor my thoughts for one reason or another, but then I decided to look back to this post. As you have found through this journey, honesty helps tremendously. This idea is applicable to every facet of our lives, but especially the scary parts. The ones we don’t tell people on first (or second or third) meetings. The ones that our family and friends only learn in time. The ones we hide from ourselves. Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me feel more comfortable sharing mine.

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