Running in Silence is not just my story.
It’s a peek into thousands of stories.
I share my journey not to highlight what happened to me specifically, but to reveal an individual perspective of fear, darkness, and chaos that either mirrors or closely reflects a community of women and men, thin and heavy bodies.
Running in Silence is the voice of thousands of screams behind closed doors, in thicker bodies and thinned flesh, in engorged stomachs and acid-torn throats.
It is the voice of athletes hiding behind gold medals and school record times, in the State Champion gymnast who suddenly disappeared from the ranks.
It is the confusion that comes with exceeding personal records while drowning in the obsession with food.
It is the frustration of not meeting “anorexic” weight in order to be taken seriously for having an eating disorder.
It is the chaos of a binge and the euphoria of the drop in weight; the fear of “normalcy” in a sport where “normal” is not superior.
I share my story because I remember how alone and afraid I felt—how I thought my body was broken, undisciplined, and needed to be fixed.
I share my story to show that even when I felt I was facing a black wall with no way to climb over it, I found hope again.
I share my story to allow you to think more deeply about your own.
Running in Silence isn’t just about food and running; it’s about identity and coming to terms with who we are and finding ourselves. It’s about breaking the stigma and remembering that it’s okay to ask for help–
Even when our greatest fear is doing so.
Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It, released today, November 15, 2016. Order your book.