My Story is Your Story

Running in Silence is not just my story.
It’s a peek into thousands of stories.
I share my journey not to highlight what happened to me specifically, but to reveal an individual perspective of fear, darkness, and chaos that either mirrors or closely reflects a community of women and men, thin and heavy bodies.

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Running in Silence is the voice of thousands of screams behind closed doors, in thicker bodies and thinned flesh, in engorged stomachs and acid-torn throats.
It is the voice of athletes hiding behind gold medals and school record times, in the State Champion gymnast who suddenly disappeared from the ranks.
It is the confusion that comes with exceeding personal records while drowning in the obsession with food.
It is the frustration of not meeting “anorexic” weight in order to be taken seriously for having an eating disorder.
It is the chaos of a binge and the euphoria of the drop in weight; the fear of “normalcy” in a sport where “normal” is not superior.

a rough day

I share my story because I remember how alone and afraid I felt—how I thought my body was broken, undisciplined, and needed to be fixed.
I share my story to show that even when I felt I was facing a black wall with no way to climb over it, I found hope again.
I share my story to allow you to think more deeply about your own.
Running in Silence isn’t just about food and running; it’s about identity and coming to terms with who we are and finding ourselves. It’s about breaking the stigma and remembering that it’s okay to ask for help–
Even when our greatest fear is doing so.

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Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It, released today, November 15, 2016. Click here to order your book.

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About Rachael

Rachael Steil is a graduate from Aquinas College in Grand Rapids, Michigan with a Bachelor of Arts. Steil an author, speaker, and a recipient of the Spirit and Outstanding Runner award for the Aquinas College cross country team and has received 6th place All-American accolades in cross country as well as 7th place in the NAIA track nationals.

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4 Responses to My Story is Your Story

  1. Ryan says:

    Congratulations Rachel! I’ve been reading your blog since 2012, glad to see you’ve come this far!

  2. Julie says:

    Hi Rachael
    I’m bring my 14-year old daughter to your March 2nd speaking engagement at CMU. I hope you can speak to her search for perfection and the battle that is ruling her world. The overwhelming fear that has taken over our lives for the last 8-months in watching our daughter be hospitalized with heart complications due to her dramatic weight loss and now trying to be vigilant in her eating recovery program at U of M has brought us our greatest challenge in life. I pray every day for a recovery and look forward to hearing your story.

    • Rachael says:

      Hi Julie,
      Thank you so much for commenting. I’m so glad you’re coming to the event, and I hope to answer any of the questions you are searching the answers for. Sending you my hugs–I know this is such a tough time for you both right now!

      –Rachael

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