Raw Food Journal Entries 53-55

September 5, 2011

I came back to the house last night in anger and sadness, only to dig into the bag of pretzels, something I would never have let myself eat before. But I didn’t care any more. I ate two large plates of food, dressing and everything on the salads.
That night my friends made pear pie. I didn’t really want it but I didn’t care. I ate second and third helpings of it, and ate even more of it this morning. I ate three more Larabars and bananas in secrecy. My friends whipped up pancakes and I couldn’t resist any longer. I didn’t even care that they didn’t sound good; I would force them in my body, make myself eat them because I wouldn’t allow myself to have them in the past.
I ate a cucumber on the way home because it sounded tasty, refreshing even—something to wash away how I bombed the weekend with bad food. I ate three apples and a banana later.
Dinner: 2 cucumbers. I was tempted to have an apple later but took a hot shower and cried instead. I have to work on getting my emotions out. I can’t take it out on food.
September 7, 2011
I felt a sort of “revelation” again starting yesterday. I can’t control what happens to me, but I can control other aspects that may affect it. When I know I’m doing everything I can with my situation, I feel so much better. I’ve been eating better again. At least for a day or so. I am sticking more with just fruits and vegetables, avoiding anything processed and all the dried fruit. I have to take control again. People are counting on me.
September 12, 2011
Tonight all I wanted was cooked food, and fatty cooked food. I wanted pasta and pasta sauce.
I felt famished while I worked out on the elliptical. Not empty-stomach famished, but famished in the way that I needed something now. The craving was unbearable. I couldn’t stop thinking about tomato sauce. I got into the cafeteria and loaded a plate with steamed vegetables, salad, and poured tomato sauce on top of that along with a small amount of pasta salad and this lasagna stuff with cheese. I also added eggs because that sounded good. I added more raw vegetables to get more healthy things in there, but honestly all that truly tasted good were the cooked foods, especially the cheese, pasta, and tomato sauce. I felt like I was wolfing everything down, I felt so hungry for it. I tried to eat more steamed vegetables and raw broccoli with the soup, but it just didn’t feel right to me. I have no idea what it was that lead me to be so adamant about the other food. I feel like I can’t say I “needed” the nutrients in the cooked food–because white, refined pasta really doesn’t have any. The cheese might’ve been okay. Maybe I just haven’t had enough fat or something? As bad as this binge was I didn’t feel guilty about it afterward because it was so intense; I don’t think I would have made it through the evening without indulging like I did tonight.
I found an awesome raw food/health food discussion forum on the internet today, where I can ask questions about raw foods/etc. This may save my raw food life.
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I do not advocate nor do I completely dismiss the raw food diet but I do encourage you to stay with me through these past journal entries (please note the date in bold verses the post date) until the end to decide for yourself what you think would be best for you as pertaining to diet if you feel the need to change in any way. Please understand that I went into the raw food diet with some wrong intentions. Learn from my mistakes before making your own.

About Rachael

Rachael Steil is a graduate from Aquinas College in Grand Rapids, Michigan with a Bachelor of Arts. Steil an author, speaker, and a recipient of the Spirit and Outstanding Runner award for the Aquinas College cross country team and has received 6th place All-American accolades in cross country as well as 7th place in the NAIA track nationals.
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One Response to Raw Food Journal Entries 53-55

  1. Pingback: Why Was I So “Out Of Control”? A Quick Look Back… | Running in Silence

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