Raw Food Journals 48-50
August 21, 2011
I’m scared to weigh myself now.
For the most part I’ve been eating great recently. The school’s cafeteria this year is actually good—there are lots of leafy greens and an abundant variety of fruit. I love it.
Dinner: 3 plates of pineapple (so good! I haven’t had this in a while…but I might’ve had too much because my mouth really hurt afterward from the acidity). I also had about four plates of salad with steamed green beans, pickles, chickpeas, and water chestnuts. I was tempted to get pizza but it’s hard to binge like that with everyone watching, which is helpful. I was also tempted to get the dessert–a chocolate cake with a brownie and chocolate icing and it looked so good. It was like my ultimate, perfect dessert craving. It looked so delicious but I kept picture in my mind of the Larabars I had back at the dorm.
Dessert: Yes, I ate it–the Larabar. I wasn’t craving it when I came back to my dorm but after promising myself I could have it instead of that cake, I felt I “needed” it. Well one turned into two, and two turned into three. I feel like I’m losing the control I used to have. I don’t know why it’s so difficult right now.
August 25, 2011
I know I’m gaining weight and not eating as well, but since I’m not running, I haven’t cared as much. I feel sad. I’ve been turning to the raw food bars mostly, and lots of dried fruit plus bananas. I keep going over my calorie limit. I’ve had a lot of chocolate lately as well.
I feel angry that I did the workout Friday now because my knee hurts worse than ever. I just figured it was feeling so great the other days. But now I’m back even farther than I ever was with this right knee problem. I hate myself for it.
I’m taking a few days completely off. I remember thinking I should’ve done that in the first place with my left knee injury that I had in the winter of my freshman year, so I’ll try to start this off better. I’m in a state where I just don’t care right now too. I feel like I should’ve followed Katy’s lead last winter, when she had her hip problem and didn’t worry about doing workouts and just ran easy. I should’ve done that, but I love workouts too much.
Of course, if I loved workouts so much, I should’ve been smart enough to hold back on them so I could fully heal and then attack them with a mix of aggression and pure joy…
I have to focus on one day at a time for now. I just hate knowing what’s to come, because this feels too much like what happened with the left knee injury last winter.
My knee hurts when I walk, when I twist it, when I move in bed…and of course, when I run.
August 29, 2011
I feel like I’m making a lot of progress. I haven’t eaten meat in forever (an easy thing to give up), no dairy (another easy one), and limited grains (only oatmeal).
My weight is still around 123-123.5, but I think that’s a result of the summer binging and just having too many nights of not eating right. I feel like it had to happen for me to get to where I am now. I had a lot to learn.
My next obstacle are the larabars. They are much healthier and pretty “raw,” but they still have a lot of calories and they are addicting for me. I need to limit how many I eat.
I do not advocate nor do I completely dismiss the raw food diet but I do encourage you to stay with me through these past journal entries (please note the date in bold verses the post date) until the end to decide for yourself what you think would be best for you as pertaining to diet if you feel the need to change in any way. Please understand that I went into the raw food diet with some wrong intentions. Learn from my mistakes before making your own.
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