Thanksgiving 2010 I was so concerned about having enough “safe” foods at dinner, Thanksgiving 2011 I was eating my own separate “raw food diet” foods, Thanksgiving 2012 I was bingeing on pie in my bedroom.
Thanksgiving 2017 finds me excited to eat, happy, full, content, very few worries around food, and looking forward to the rest of the holidays to come. Eating disorder recovery was confusing and tough, but so worth it.
So what happened between 2013-2017?
I continued to reach out to my eating disorder therapist and dietitian. I made sure to always tell them the truth, even if it felt too embarrassing to me–because I knew the more THEY knew, the more they could assist ME.
I accepted my body as it was–even at its heaviest–because continuing to strive for a smaller body kept me in a restrict-binge cycle. It was getting me NOWHERE.
I forced myself to try activities I was not great at, or to hangout with groups of people that exposed me to things outside of my comfort zone of food and running. It was only by making mistakes and trying new things that I began to find a greater happiness beyond anything I had found in the “high” parts of the eating disorder.